Bunja Jumping

Your opinion doesn't make you stupid, your Bumper Sticker does.

2011-04-26T11:19:00.005-04:00

I consider myself a fairly even tempered person. I would rather go with the flow than rail against it. However, there are two seemingly harmless things that make me want to rage into a blind fury.

Whistling in the work place
Bumper Stickers

If you feel the need to whistle while walking down the hallway in a full office, then I feel the need to tackle you into the copier. Seriously, who thinks that their talent at whistling qualifies them as entertainment for the rest of us? When is the last time you downloaded a really awesome compliation of whistlers on your ipod? Never, that's when.

When it comes to bumper stickers, I fail to see the logic. What opinion is so valuable and permanent that you feel the need to express it in the form of a "car tattoo"? For instance, "My child is a Middle School Honor Student". That may be, but their parent is an idiot. You are defacing your car for something that changes on a yearly basis. So your kid can read and do basic math, congratulations. Also, I don't care what airports you have been at or that you vacationed in the Outter Banks (OBX). If your marathon time is that fantastic, why are you driving anywhere? That stick figure drawing of your family doesn't change the fact that your husband is nailing his secretary and I'm not exactly sure what Jesus would do, but I'm guessing he'd start by telling you to get your slow moving ass into the right lane. This brings me to political bumper stickers; why would anyone deface a high valued commidity like a car with a topic that, by rights, should take more than four words to explain properly? For instance "I refuse to believe the Liberal Media", ok, be more specific. The typical definition of "media" is "the means of communication that reach large numbers of people, such as television, newspapers, and radio". So, with that in mind, what do you mean? Is all "Media" liberal? You define it as "the Liberal Media", is the word "liberal" an adjective that modifies "media" or is "Liberal Media" the entire noun that would be defined as "liberal leaning media outlets"? As the catepillar once told Alice, "Say what you mean and mean what you say". If you are willing to lower the value of something that you make payments on with paper and adhesive, I do not trust your four-word-views on the financial health of our country. If you want to flip off other people's eyes with your semi-literate ramblings, do what I do, get a blog.

I'll be Your Huckleberry...

2011-03-17T15:33:00.000-04:00

I was a ball hog in almost every sport I've ever played. Ok, so this was before I was a bit over-weight and still had all my hair, regardless, you may ask, was this "ball-hoggery" an over-estimation of my ability? Maybe. Was it a Hero Complex? Perhaps. Was it an over-dose of testosterone? Definitely. Testosterone is a funny thing; it can be spurred on by actions, music, or in some cases just words. It's amazing how simple one-liners can fuel our testosterone output. For instance, I defy you to show me any person who doesn't get a little psyched up when Val Kilmer echoes that famous line, "I'll be your huckleberry..." in Tombstone. If you barely remember much else about that movie, I guarantee you remember that line. "March Madness" is also full of testosterone enducing moments. What testosterone junkie doesn't want the ball in the last 10 seconds of a tied game?

What brought made me think of this subject? A lot of things really; emotions have been surrounding me a lot lately and the emotions that a jolt of testosterone causes is something I can easily relate to. I have had to really face my emotions recently, because last week I had to bury my grandfather. I was lucky enough to speak (in between tears) at his funeral and help carry his casket at the cemetery. Those moments will always be special to me, but one moment will stand out to me. My grandfather served in WWII and he requested a military burial. I don't know how many of you have witnessed a military funeral, but it goes kind of like this; the casket is draped in a flag and after the final words are spoken, a 21-gun-salute is fired and then a soldier plays Taps, which is possibly the most moving song that can be played at a funeral. Two soldiers then fold the flag, place 3 shell casings from the 21-gun-salute in the flag and hand the flag to a relative, in many cases the widow. When they hand the flag to the widow, they thank her for her husband’s service and then salute her. This is what happened last week and when the soldiers saluted my grandmother, I felt sadness of course, but also I felt pride and a twinge of testosterone.

It might not sound appropriate to feel testosterone at a funeral, but it's not caused by the normal reasons. It's caused by the thought of doing something for a purpose or a cause that is greater than you. It's caused by sacrifice. It's caused by being in the presence of a hero. My grandfather fought muderous Nazi's in probably one of the most justified wars to ever exist on our planet. Even though he had been out of the military for over 60 years, he was still part of something that existed for the greater good. All the people that served in WWII are nothing short of heroes. When they salute a fallen hero, it's something to behold and it should give us a glimpse at the pride that needs to exist in making that kind of mark on history. I think that more of us need to have pride in something like that.

Up to this point, if you are reading this and the next thought that pops into your head starts with "god" then you are missing the point. What I'm talking about here isn't about religion; religion starts wars that men die for. Religion is why people in this country protest military funerals and is the fuel for many political agendas. This is about the brotherhood of man, whether you praise Jesus or a flying spaghetti monster we are all made of the same stuff. Maybe, just for once, we need to have a little less thought and a little more testosterone...

What I've Learned in 2010

2010-12-22T15:49:00.003-05:00

When you love someone, there is never enough time.
Comic Books = Happy
I cannot start a conversation in my head with someone and finish it out loud.
Everyone needs to have a good local Chinese take-out restaurant.
I’m mostly obsessive compulsive about things that don’t really matter.
I’m allowed to be happy and show it.
It took 30+ years of stubbornness, but I actually appreciate my family.
I enjoy not having to worry about money all the time.
My job doesn’t define me.
I’m not really a big city person.
I’m not really a corporate person, either.
I could live in New Mexico.
It’s hard to watch people get older.
I tend to read the comments people make on online news articles.
I fear for our country’s future.
I’m not a republican, at all.
In order to have common sense, you need to have experience.
I’m a lousy liar.
Comcast is the worst company, ever.
Ever!!!!
People, who live in glass houses, truly do enjoy throwing stones. I enjoy the ricochets.
Life is good.

WTF: What the Fruit?

2010-08-05T13:32:00.003-04:00

So, Dawn and I were watching television last night, when a commercial came on that pointed out how I have some real blind spots in my Pop Culture knowledge. The commercial was for Fruit of the Loom and it was a music video parody starring their familiar mascots, The Fruit Guys. As I watched the Apple sing beside the Grape, I realized that I had no idea what the other two fruits were. I wasn't alone, when I asked Dawn, she had no idea either. I made a mental note and continued to watch "Air Jaws", which is just one of thousands of reasons why I love Shark Week. So today I decided to investigate and found out that "The Fruit Guys" actually have a website. The members are as follows: Apple, Purple Grape, Green Grape, and Leaf. So, this knowledge now leaves me with ton of other questions...

Why are there two types of grapes?
Why is Purple Grape not called by it's real name Red Grape?
Why are citrus fruits not represented?
A leaf, while it is part of a fruit plant, is not a fruit itself; so why is it there?
What are the orange colored fruits in the Fruit of the Loom logo and why are they not represented?
Is there such a thing as ethnic diversity in fruit?

Ok, so these are my questions. I'll continue my quest to find the answers to these "Fruitful Ponderings"... I'm gonna quit now before I make anymore "un-a-peel-ing" fruit puns......damn it.

It's Finally Over!! Freedom Never Seemed so Obvious.

2010-07-23T11:43:00.010-04:00

For those of you who have been following the drama, the negotiations are finally over. Late yesterday afternoon I received word that the goal has finally been reached, MySpace set me free and deleted my vacant page:

From: "MySpace.Com"
To: "Jack Bunja"
Date: Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 3:58 PM
Subject: My email has changed [Incident: 100721-004809]

Hi Jack,
We appreciate you bringing the profile to our attention. After further review, the account (myspace.com/74273330) has been scheduled for deletion.
NOTE: If there is another page that you were referring to, please provide us with the URL/link.
If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to write back.

Sincerely,
The MySpace Support team

From: "Jack Bunja"
To: "MySpace.com"
Date: Fri, July 23, 2101 at 12:24PM

Dear MySpace Collective,
Thank you so much for your last reply that you will now delete my account. Rarely do you see such a personal and heartfelt message from a hive-mind. Kudos in being able to retain emotions despite being of one mind and purpose.

I can now forgive you for ignoring my request to delete my account when I asked you the first time back in 2009 and even changed the name on the account to "Please Delete This Account", but still had no success. Perhaps, at the time, your complete assimilation into a true collective had not taken hold or perhaps now I am not deemed worthy of assimilation. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy that I can retain my individuality, but if I was deemed unworthy, I reserve the right to feel a little rejected. Was it my computing brain power? Or was it my poor use of commas just didn't fit into your mastery of the modern sentence structure? Never mind, it doesn't really matter now.

My freedom tastes so sweet and I can even cancel that order of "cause ribbons" I placed. I had chosen the color "Sunwashed Nantucket Red". It's a perfect late summer color that would have taken me seamlessly into fall. Well, this is goodbye MySpace. I'll never forget you and if one day you evolve into Skynet, I hope you will remember me fondly.

-Jack "Free Like a Bird" Bunja

I would like to thank the MySpace Support team for really joining forces and rallying around my problem. If you are confused about what transpired, you can check out my older posts. To make a long story short, I was locked out of my old dormant MySpace account and had no way to delete it. Sure, it sounds like a small problem, but the solution was insane. MySpace wanted me to take a "Salute" picture in order to get action?!? What happened to "What's your Mother's Maiden Name?" MySpace's security practices are one DNA sample short of being creepy. If anyone out there has actually sent MySpace a "Salute", please share and tell me what you think they actually did with the photo. Please keep it clean, this is a PG rated blog.

Thanks to everyone for the support and thanks to the "MySpace-Support-Team-Hive-Minded-Collective" for quickly solving my problem with such heartfelt and personal emails.

Continuing Coverage of the MySpace Hostage Crisis!!!

2010-07-22T13:43:00.005-04:00

So, the drama continues....I could rant about this more, but I'll just share my email exchange instead:

From: MySpace.Com
To: jack.bunja@gmail.com
Date: Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 12:12 PM
Subject: My email has changed [Incident: 100721-004809]

Your message
1. I do not have a picture on my account.
2. Even if I did, I would not take part in such a idiotic security practice.
3. You can read all of my true feelings here:
http://bunjajumping.blogspot.com/2010/07/salute-this-or-why-facebook-is-better.html

Just delete the account please. I understand you wish you were still
relevant, but it's 2010. You had a good run, just let it go.
-Jack Bunja aka "Delete This Account"

Thanks for contacting MySpace.

A salute is the way we verify that you are who you say you are. We use it to protect your privacy and security. Simply put, we compare a current picture of you holding your MySpace friend ID with a photo from your profile. If they match, we're cool.

We only ask MySpace friends to make a salute when it involves an important matter of security, safety, or privacy.

Here are the top reasons you might be asked to make a salute:

1. You want to delete your profile and can't do it yourself (visit http://faq.myspace.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/285)

2. You forgot your email address (visit http://faq.myspace.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/5)

3. You forgot your password and can't retrieve it (visit http://faq.myspace.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/311)

Sincerely,
The MySpace Support team

From: Jack Bunja
To: "MySpace.Com"
Date: Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 1:40 PM
subject: Re: My email has changed [Incident: 100721-004809]

Dear MySpace Team,
I appreciate that the entire team has stopped their busy day to reply to my email. While I would think multiple hands on one tiny keyboard would be clumsy and not time effective, perhaps this is more like a tag-team type affair. If that's the case, perhaps you have mastered modern sentence structure and have people that are designated to type the subjects, verbs, adjectives, etc... Unless of course your team has developed a hive-mind mentality and one person typed it, only there is not "one person", only "MySpace".

I do however see a problem with your hive mind response. You (or "all of you", I'm not sure what to call a hive) did not respond to the fact that I do not have a picture on my vacant MySpace profile to compare it to and I look nothing like a faceless silhouette. This is fortunate as I would not have a way to hold up my glasses. Please advise me on how to shut down my worthless site that has not been accessed in over a year. Thanks to all of you for not assimilating me.

-Jack "Delete this Profile" Bunja
http://bunjajumping.blogspot.com

Salute THIS!!! or Why Facebook is better than MySpace

2010-07-13T16:19:00.009-04:00

I think it is fair to say that it is easier to change a postal mailing address than it is to change anything on MySpace. A postal mailing address to which you might get checks, money from grandma, shipped items of value, etc... Before I continue to rant, let me explain my hostage crisis. I, like so many other people prior to common sense, had a MySpace account. It was created with an email address that was linked to my home Verizon account. I moved and lost the email account before I could delete my MySpace account (you need to click a confirmation email to delete your account on MySpace). I emailed their helpdesk and nothing happened. I changed my profile to be blank with only, "Delete This Account" as my display name and still nothing happened. So, for a while, I just let it go. I let it go for so long, that I can't even remember my password to get into the account. Now, I'm just annoyed that this vacant account exists so I tried a different method. Instead of saying I want to delete the account, I framed it as I was just "locked out", which is now actually true. I was proud of myself, maybe now, I could get some assistance. This is the response from them:

Thanks for contacting MySpace.

In order to assist you further, we will need a salute from you. We only ask for a salute when it involves an important matter of privacy and security.

To make a salute, here's what you do:
1. Write MySpace and your MySpace friend ID or your MySpace vanity profile ID, for example http://profile.myspace.com/...viewprofile&friendid=0000000 or http://MySpace.com/VanityProfile) on a piece of paper
2. Take a photo holding the paper in front of you (right side up, please). Make sure there's a clear view of your lovely face.
3. Respond to this email, leaving the subject intact, and attach your salute.
4. Once we verify your salute, we’ll complete your request.

Important stuff to know:
- if you don't have a camera, consider using a cell phone camera, or using your own or a friend's Web cam to take a photo
- the salute picture must be in full color (no Sepia, black and white, etc.)
- no one else can be in your salute picture with you (unless this is for a band or artist profile)
- you must be able to see you holding the salute in the photo you submit (in other words, we want to see your hands holding the Salute with a clear view of your face; no Photoshop)
- you MUST have a photo in your MySpace profile that clearly shows your face
- the salute must be hand-written (we cannot accept typed salutes)
- salutes cannot be submitted by posting them to your MySpace profile and sending us a link
- MySpace will never ask you to submit a video or webcam salute, so if you get an email message or MySpace message asking you to do so, please let us know at once!

Sincerely,
The MySpace Support team

Seriously?!?!? WTF!!! A salute? Do people actually do this? It makes no sense at all. I understand security, but my account is vacant, and they won't delete it, so I have to go threw all of these hoops? This is like taking one of those cheesy "time-share vacations". Also, handwritten notes only? I assume this is so you can't photoshop in different addresses, but anyone with photoshop can insert handwriting just as easily as printed text. I can only assume there is a losers bulletin board at MySpace headquarters with all of these pictures on it. Perhaps they photoshop their own words into the paper I'm holding, with ridiculous statements like "Palin for President 2012". Either way it's not national security here, it's MySpace.

Look, it's 2010 and MySpace isn't fooling anyone. We realize they suck. It's a vehicle for musicans, wierdos, and emo-preteens. I have no intention of taking a picture, besides it won't work for me, I removed all my pictures a long time ago. What I will do is ask everyone that reads this to please report my account for violating some term of service on MySpace. Just say I was making wild claims and disparraging your mother, I don't care, just please, please, delete my account.

Summer 2010

2010-07-08T12:33:00.002-04:00

I can honestly say I've had better summers.

I'm sure I've had worse summers if you look at it cumulatively over all the years. The odd part is that on the whole, I’ve had a good year. I’ve got a new job, a great girlfriend that I love very much, and a wonderful new house. Hell, we’ve even done some pretty fun things so far this summer. The only thing that is making this summer hard is that I have to say goodbye to someone that I really don’t want to say goodbye to. My Grandfather (Pap) has taken a turn for the worse and it’s really looking like these are the last few months he’ll be with us.

Wow, it was even hard just writing that last sentence out. I’m one of the lucky people, really. I’ve had my Pap in my life, my entire life up to this point. He helped teach me how to fish, hunt, ride a bike, him and my Grandma took us to Disney World, Sea World, Hershey Park, camping at Lake Raystown… the list is really endless. He has been a constant for me my whole life. Pap has always been there. I guess as far as all the memories he has created for me, he will always be there. The only regret I have is that my children won’t get a chance to meet him. Sure I have pictures and stories, but it’s not even a shadow of who he really was. If I could tell them one thing about him, I would just say he was like a tree (Yes, a tree…bare with me here). My Pap was strong, supportive, gentle, caring, and above all, calm. I would normally just call him a rock, but rocks are cold and that was the opposite of what my Pap was. That’s why I idolized him as much as I did. As a teenager, I was a quiet powder keg. I was always fighting to keep from being too emotional and bouncing from one end of the spectrum to the other. I guess I probably still am in a lot of ways, but he was always solid in what he was and I admired that.

In the end, I know he is ready to go. The active, vibrant man he was is all but gone. His mind is still intact, but his body has failed him. He would rather be fishing the shores of a quiet lake than lying in that hospital bed fighting to breathe. That’s what I wish for him in the afterlife-- a tranquil lake to fish on with his family. Actually, I visited him this weekend and when it was time for me to go home he told me I’ll see you soon or in the life after this. I then asked him if we would go fishing and he said, “I guarantee it.” I’m not sure if I deserve at this point to end up in the same “after life” as my Pap, but I know one thing for sure, my favorite fishing partner will be there waiting for me. I love you Pap, now and forever.

What kind of "Blogger" are you?

2010-04-01T12:56:00.006-04:00

It’s April Fools Day and nothing says April Fools like a fresh blog post. I’ve been taking a long time in between posts and I was beginning to feel bad about that, but then I realized what kind of “blogger” I am.

You see, in my opinion, there are three different types of bloggers. The first type is the “self-important bloggers;” these people blog, Twitter, update Facebook and basically type their fingers off every day. They see themselves as entertainers. Often they are humorous or highly opinionated and if you look closely you can see the definite outline of their ego on everything they touch—not that it’s a bad thing. I've had many a long discussion with my good friend Justin and my girlfriend Dawn about how ego is a central theme in social media. Twitter, Facebook, 4-Square all run under the guise that you are important and entertaining enough for complete strangers to follow throughout the day. Ok, that sounds a bit harsh, but it’s not meant to be. I consider social media just another creative outlet or art-form. I think that being relevant, creative, and entertaining in 140-characters or less is challenging and I respect those that can do it. They are talented in a way that really cannot be taught and really isn’t that what art is all about; talent and ego?

Alright, now the next blogging style is the “dam bloggers”, not to be confused with “those damn bloggers”, which is likely something you’d hear at an AP News convention. What I like to call “dam bloggers” are creative people who have enough fresh ideas to blog, tweet, and spew social media creativity everyday, but they are too busy, unmotivated, or indifferent to do so. What happens to them is they wait until their reservoir of ideas/opinions is full and then they spew all of them onto blog pages, twitter feeds, or Facebook updates. This usually results in either a quick and heavy burst of social media posts or just one really, really long blog post. I think this is probably the most common type of “blogger” or social media user. In this case, these individuals need a creative outlet, but not everyday. They have no real aspirations at making money via social media or even being known for their social media use. They just like to occasionally express themselves and be social and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a lot like the term “social drinker”-- it’s somebody who likes to go out and have fun, but not necessarily every night. I’d try to dub the term “social blogger,” but that might get too confusing.

Then there is the final type of social media user. I like to call them the “peer pressure bloggers.” These folks have a blog because everyone else they associate with has a blog. They could also be referred to as “apathetic bloggers.” In a lot of cases, they get the whole “idea” behind blogging and they might even be amazing, creative, insightful writers, but they are missing the level of ego that is needed to be a prolific social media producer/creator. They don’t understand why their voice would matter or if anyone cares about what they would have to contribute. They use social media more as a communication tool than a resource. They use Twitter only with their close friends and Facebook is really just a giant rolodex for their friends and family. Like I said before, this isn’t wrong, it’s just different and that’s what makes social media so confusing and great at the same time. Social media is an art-form and a tool; it’s the “Adobe Creative Suite” of communication devices. There are right and wrong ways to use social media, depending on your desired outcome, but you won’t know if you don’t try. These folks try, but the art of it, really isn’t in their blood. Even so, they can be an important part of the community. As the saying goes, “the world needs ditch diggers too.”

Now, back to my realization of what kind of blogger I am…well, I’m a mixture of type number two and three, with enough ego for a handful of number ones. Lucky for me social media is big enough for all of us.

WFSE Memories, R.I.P. Dr. C. W. Chandler...

2009-12-17T18:11:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I haven’t posted in like two months…it’s been a busy two months. Not so busy that I didn’t have time to post, but enough that I didn’t feel like posting. There I said it; I didn’t feel like posting. So, to all three of my readers (because I’ve been marketing my blog so effectively), I apologize.

It’s been a busy 2 months. There was a move, two holidays, football heart-break, fantasy football heart-break, Christmas preparation, and some death. Not a lot of death, but some death, you see an old college advisor of mine passed away this week. I know it’s a pretty sad topic for the holiday season, but it kind of made me reflective. His name was Dr. C. W. Chandler. He was my academic advisor and, at the time, advisor for WFSE. WFSE is the college radio station I was the Student General Manager of during my last 2 years of college. It is a place where I met many of, what I consider life-long-friends. I spent nearly every week day at the station. All of the managers did. We would do our homework there; have lunch there; and pretty much lived most of our college lives there. It was the birth place of the MD3 Radio Show (for those of you who don’t know, it was a highly entertaining radio show that some of my best friends created) and led to the birth of the MD3 Athletic Club (which is really neither athletic or a club, but is mostly cool anyway). I think it could be best related to as a fraternity. When I was there, there was a brotherhood among all the men and women who touched its airwaves. I don’t know if all college radio stations have that feeling, but it was special.

Dr. Chandler advised that station from about 1994 until 2001. If you ever attended the meetings, you’ll understand what I mean when I say, as far as WFSE was concerned, he was god. That being said, he had his issues. His sense of humor made some people uncomfortable and he could be un-professional at times. It would occasionally cause some problems for him and the station, but it always seemed to work itself out some how. There were and are some people that hate the man to this day and that “is what it is”. I for one saw the man for what he was. He was lonely and the only people he really seemed to have in his life were the students of the radio station. I guess that made me sad for him. Not in a “pity sort of way”, but in a “hope for the best for him” sort of way. Maybe I only see the good in people, or expect that all people are good; either way I never had an issue with the man.

I think the main reason that I’m writing this and the main reason that I think his passing needs mentioned is because I feel that, professionally, I became who I am, because of WFSE. WFSE gave me a place to grow and to have responsibilities. The station was run by students and when I was there, it seemed to be in a golden age. The station was on the air 24 hours a day and we had over 50 different students on its airwaves. We were doing something that mattered or at least it felt that way. I think that environment can be credited to a man who, in my opinion, looked out for the students of the radio station. There are quite a few stories I could share, but each of them revolved around some DJ’s saying or doing some questionable things on the air and Dr. Chandler “handling” the situation. It wasn’t always perfect, but when he was in charge of WFSE, it wasn’t pre-programmed personality free “satellite radio” and believe me, there were plenty of “suits” on the campus of Edinboro University that wished it was.

I guess, in the end, I’m just saying I respect the man for helping to foster an environment that allowed me to grow. I thank him for being part of a place that allowed me to find some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I know he had some problems, but don’t we all... I just hope that he has now found some peace. R.I.P., Dr. C. W. Chandler and Merry Christmas.

I'm 32 and nearly 1/2-way there...

2009-09-29T19:38:00.002-04:00

I turned 32 this month. There isn’t really anything special involved in turning 32. In fact, most of my birthday milestones have been reached. When I turned 12, I could go hunting and, in Bedford County, that’s a big deal. I got to drive at 16, get drafted and vote at 18, drink at 21, I could rent a car at 25 and at 30, well… I was 30.

People rarely associate any significant milestone with the age of 32. By 32 most of us have had a “real job” and we have usually figured out where we are in life. At 32 we aren’t quite yet middle aged and we still have memories of being thin and in shape. Most of the time 32 is just a place holder, another year to work, eat, breathe, and sleep. Not me. In my 32nd year, I have thought of something that should be celebrated. It is a goal that those of us who pray at the "Temple of Lazy" eagerly anticipate. In February of this, my 32nd year, I will have a celebration. This celebration shall be known as “my half way to retirement party.” That’s right, it’s a party entirely devoted to the celebration of being half way to 65.

Now, before I hear a politically charged argument that social security won’t be around then, just wait a second, this is an anticipation celebration. I don’t want realism, I want to dream. In this dream, I will have saved enough to retire, I will get my social security checks and I won’t be popping pills like Pez to stay alive. This is simply celebrating the anticipation of freedom—of course I use that term loosely, as in all likelihood I will be at the beck and call of some needy family member, like my parents are. In this dream I am free to roam the country and do whatever my heart desires or my income allows. If my fellow dreamers want to follow me and also have a ½ Way to Retirement Party here is all you have to do:

1. Get 65 gray balloons (black is reserved for 40th Birthday or actual retirement parties)
2. Have a cake in the shape of a RV
3. Wear a youthful shirt, but sensible pants and sandals (the law states that sandals and socks can only be worn when one truly retires)
4. Drink heavily and print out your 401K projections for the year 2041
5. End the night by printing a copy of your resume and storing it until 2041, at such time you will read it out loud and then burn it ceremoniously.

I think I might have started a trend here. If Hallmark starts printing cards for this, please let me know, because I’ll cash in and celebrate with a ¾ Way to Retirement Party.

Batman is Dead...

2009-09-03T19:35:00.005-04:00

I know, I know... I haven't posted in forever. Well my life is a pretty calm, which I enjoy, but I don't have much to write about. So, here is a little review I wrote for a website that should be launching very soon....stay tuned!!

Batman is dead and buried. Well, to be more accurate, he is “mostly buried” as currently his skull is playing “Yorick” to the Black Hand’s “Hamlet”…consequentially if you aren’t reading Blackest Night, you should be.

Anyway, in the mainstream continuity Bruce Wayne as Batman is no more, which is exactly why I was happy to open the first issue of Kevin Smith’s Batman: Widening of the Gyre to see the original caped crusader gracing the pages. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bleeding heart “Bruce Wayne is the only Batman” kind of guy. I’ve been a huge fan of the Battle for the Cowl series, and I was as satisfied as anyone to see Dick Grayson embrace his legacy as the Dark Knight. What I missed was the brooding, smart-assed, constantly spinning inner dialogue of Bruce Wayne as he stalked the night. If the lines that mark the differences between Grayson’s and Wayne’s Batman feel blurred (and who could blame you, it’s been over a year since his death), Smith does an excellent job at jogging our memory with a few quick frames of banter between Grayson’s Nightwing and Wayne’s Batman to start off the issue. Of course the differences between the two are what truly made me miss Bruce. His constant analysis of every situation and his step by step assessment of “worst case scenarios” is why we love Batman to begin with. Lest you forget how Batman is always thinking, Smith throws in a quick reference to Batman always keeping an eye out for an “all powerful red and blue alien take over,” and he’s not referring to a Lantern Corps.

Over-all, Smith’s return to Bruce Wayne as the Dark Knight was successful. In the first issue he managed to reacquaint us with the character and establish the world for this six issue arc. He shows us the best of Batman and even manages to throw in a short appearance by the Joker and Poison Ivy. I was pleasantly surprised at the use of Jason Blood/the Demon as a foe to remind us that Batman is truly a frail human, but the main focus of this series is more than likely the introduction of a “new player” in Gotham who makes “a splash” on the last page. The art was satisfying and aimed at an older audience, thanks to Poison Ivy sporting “Garden of Eden” garb and some minor body dismemberment/consumption by the Demon. As far as first issues go, I’m hooked and plan on collecting all six issues to get my out-of-continuity-non-Hush Bruce Wayne fix for now…

1st Post Pressure!!!

2009-07-22T11:49:00.001-04:00

Well, I'm finally here. It's been a long time coming, but I finally have my blog. Granted it's a cookie cutter design and more than likely, due to laziness, it'll stay that way. I've learned there is more pressure in designing your page than actually maintaining it. Getting your first blog is kind of like buying your first brand new car. You know the one, it's after you finally got your first "real job" and finally had money for something other than a six-pack of American Light. This new car is supposed to represent your status and be a visual manifestation of your "cool factor". The opposite sex should see the vehicle and swoon. Your co-workers/competition should see your "mantra-on-wheels" and cower in fear. This vehicle is the one that sets up who you are and what you stand for, for the rest of your life!!!! That being said, my first new car was a Ford Focus.

Yeah, that should set you up for what this blog is about. Enjoy.